The "Divine Design" Dilemma

First things first, I love Candice Olsen. LOVE her. I also love her show, "Divine Design," and will stop everything I'm doing and watch captivated every single time I stumble across it. She's really a more accessible version of Kelly Wearstler, still glamorous and dramatic, but you feel like you can actually sit down in her rooms and put your feet up, something I find sorely lacking in Ms. Wearstler's design proclivities.

I would say 90 percent of the episodes have turned out amazing. Still, I often wonder what goes on behind the scenes in the conceptualizing period for each room? How much input does the homeowner get as to what the final product will eventually look like? On the show, you always see the homeowner describe how they want to use the space and almost ALWAYS, they say they want something "clean and modern." Now, "clean and modern" can mean many things to many people. To one person, it's a white box with few embellishments. To another, it might be a traditional style with clean lined furniture lots of symmetry. To me, I think of "clean and modern" as dark wood, lacquered surfaces and a Hollywood Regency style.

So that got me thinking, if I had to tell Candice 5 things I really didn't like in design, what would I say? Trust me, there is NO WAY I would give anyone, not even Candice, carte blanche to overhaul a room in my house. I am WAY too much of a control freak for that!

My Top 5 Design No-Nos...

1. THE COLOR BLUE- Now I know I'm going to get a lot of cut-eyes for this one, so I'm putting it first to get it out of way. I really, really detest the color blue. It's completely irrational, and I have no other reason for my intense dislike of this color other than it totally depresses me. Oh, and there is a particular shade of cornflower/powder blue that I still see around occasionally that takes me straight back to 1987, and I'd really prefer to forget the way my hair looked in 1987. Trust. I don't even wear blue clothing for the most part, especially navy, which I refer to as "the poor man's black." My only exception to this rule would be a certain kind of turquoise, on a certain kind of day, perhaps in the dead of winter back in Ohio or Massachusetts when it would seem light and springlike...other than that, keep it away.

2. NO FARMHOUSE "CHIC"- Maybe it's because I am a city girl at heart and never, not even once, fancied the idea of a more provincial lifestyle, but I simply don't understand this whole farmhouse aesthetic. It's the ceramic rooster thing that bothers me the most. I lived next door to a god-forsaken rooster that woke me at precisely 4 am every day for 6 years (the neighbors were crazy suburbanites who did in fact harbor a country-living fantasy). Needless to say, I don't need a ceramic reminder of that bastard in my kitchen every day. That goes for ceramic chickens as well. We've already established my issues with chickens.
To that end, I would even go as far as banning farmhouse sinks (too clunky and who really needs a bathtub-sized kitchen sink?) and red and white checked anything, but especially tablecloths. Oh, and don't even get me started with the cows....

3. NO LIGHT WOOD- Again, I have no logical explanation for my dislike of light-colored wood. It's just unsettling to me for some reason. I have been to lots of houses with light wood that I like, but I can't handle it in my own house. I once had a wooden stool in college that was handed down to me from someone I can't recall (and who hopefully doesn't read this blog) that was a honey-colored oak. One weekend, three bottles of "Wet n Wild" black nail polish and a sharpie later and that baby was transformed. Of course, nobody could sit on it because the black would rub off on their pants but whatever, it least it looked cute!

4. NO BEACH VIBE-Please do not assume that just because I live a few miles from an ocean that I would like to be reminded of that fact every time I walk in my house. I go to a lot of open houses in Los Angeles, mainly to see how other people decorate their spaces. I have seen more weathered, wooden "Beach" arrows, green seaglass and modern takes on seashell lamps than I care to recall around these parts. I love being at the beach, but I have no fantasy of living on one. Also, that pesky color blue tends to creep into most beach-inspired spaces...

5. NO MINIMALIST CHIC What can I say, I like to be surrounded by my "stuff." I collect lot of things...matchbooks, coffee table books, black and white photography, little buddhas, Fornasetti plates....I like to see them. A white box just doesn't do it for me.


*DISCLAIMER* The ideas expressed above are my own, often misguided, opinions. I am articulating them with the hope that anyone reading this can recognize that I really have no idea what I am talking about, am not a professional, and therefore you should not take offense if you employ any of the previously stated design styles/colors. I might very well love these styles in your house. I just don't love them in mine. The End.


*Stay tuned for things I would actually like to see in my fantasy "Divine Design" room...